


Raccoon, Racoon

by TugboatExpress



Category: Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: there's a shit-ton of people mentioned in this so I didn't even tag everyone sorry lmao
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2017-12-21
Packaged: 2019-02-14 05:13:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13000599
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TugboatExpress/pseuds/TugboatExpress
Summary: Post-infinity war, everyone is safe and happy and alive. Everyone's crashing at the new(ish) Avengers base, and Groot thinks he'd like to go out into the surrounding forest to meet some of the locals (who are just trees). Everyone wonders whether or not the Guardians might accidentally encounter a racoon...





	Raccoon, Racoon

**Author's Note:**

> I just want everyone to be safe, happy, and hanging out at the Avengers facility after IW tbh

It's 5:42 A.M., and Tony Stark thinks he can probably stop pretending to be asleep now. As he pulls an old Talking Heads concert t-shirt over his head, he wonders if everyone else had a sleepless night as well. After the... well...Events, he sincerely doubts that any Avenger would get a moment of restful, peaceful sleep for weeks to come. It's been two nights since it all ended, and the minuscule amount of sleep he's actually managed to get has been fitful and full of horrors. 

It's a mark of how tired and beaten down he is that he doesn't even spare his own reflection a glance as he passes his mirror on the way to the door, which slides open as soon as he reaches it. He pads down the hall, barefoot, and as he walks, he mentally corrects himself. He supposes he can't just say "Avengers" anymore, not since those space weirdos came down already boasting a different team name. Tony walks into the kitchen and - speak of the devil - the space freaks are already here. 

Peter #2 - that is, the space weirdos' leader, has his ancient zune quietly playing some old Boston song that Tony faintly recognizes. The talking tree is lifting the talking raccoon up so he can look in the cupboards - yes, Tony thinks, that is a real sight he is currently seeing - and muscle man is energetically sharpening a huge knife. 

As Tony walks closer, the crazy blue lady must hear his footfalls, because she snaps her head around and raises her fists as he nears the kitchen. The rest of the group looks around in a panic, but calm down considerably when they see who it is.

"Morning, Garbagemen of the Galaxy!" Tony says cheerfully as he raises his arms. "I'd tell you to help yourselves, make yourselves at home, all that courteous B.S., but clearly you've already done that,"

At this, the space-hick with the red mohawk takes his feet down from the table and the scary green lady hastily takes the huge knife out of muscle man's hands. 

"We were just-"

"Ah, I'm just messing with you, I don't care." Tony walks around the table and turns on his coffee maker. "You guys want any? ...Yes? No? They got coffee out in the final frontier?" 

Peter #2 shakes his head, but cautiously says, "well, actually Tony - wait, can I call you Tony? We wanted to ask you somethin'..."

He trails off and looks at the bug lady. They make eye contact and then Peter #2 jerks his head in Stark's direction. Tony smiles to himself. Of course, if these self-named "guardians" want something, they're going to make their sweetest member ask. 

Bug lady looks at him and says, "We wanted to know if we could go into the forest that surrounds the facility. Groot wants to see the trees." Bug lady looks back at the talking tree and then smiles tentatively at Tony. 

"What, are you a bunch of kindergarteners or something? 'Course you can, you don't need to ask."

The guardians breathe a collective sigh of relief, and they all beam at each other like they've just won some grand victory. Weirdos, thinks Tony as he reaches for a mug. 

***

Ten minutes later, the guardians of the galaxy have set out across the sprawling lawn, and Tony contentedly sips away at his coffee, leaning on the counter. The sun is just rising, and now that Peter #2 has gone and taken his zune with him, it's peacefully silent. Which is why Tony nearly has a heart attack when Vision phases suddenly through the wall.

Vision vehemently apologizes, but Tony's so happy to see him in one piece - literally - that he doesn't mind the fact that Vision's sudden appearance caused him to slop burning hot coffee down the front of his shirt. Or at least, he doesn't mind as much as he usually would. 

"Where have the Guardians gone?" Vision asks. "Only, I thought I heard them in here just a few minutes ago?"

Tony jerks his head towards the window, and Vision peers out. "They are going...into the forest?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Do you really think it wise?" Vision questions, his brow furrowed.

"...why shouldn't they go?" Tony looks out at the guardians' receding figures. 

"What if they were to encounter a -"

"Vis?" Vision is cut off by a faint voice coming from down the hallway. Without a moment's hesitation, and without finishing his thought, Vision sweeps down the hall to his and Wanda's shared room. Tony barely has time to roll his eyes before he spots Cap and Barnes emerge into the hallway. As they pass Vision, Cap greets him with a grin and slaps him on the back. Barnes offers him a brief, tentative nod before the two parties go their separate ways. 

"Tony!" Cap calls as they enter the kitchen, and he races around the island to pat him on the shoulder. "How are y-"

"Ah ah ah!" Tony cuts him off. "Don't. We're all here on a much-needed vacation. I'm not talking about any superhero shit for at least...I don't know, two years? Three?"

Cap laughs and shakes his head, but lets the subject drop. 

Tony and Barnes make eye contact, and the two stare at each other. Cap slings a protective arm over Barnes' shoulders, and he finally nods in acknowledgement to Tony. Tony returns the nod, and the silence is just getting long enough to become awkward when a big, booming voice turns all of their heads towards the hall. 

"Friends!" Thor bellows, racing into the kitchen. He scoops Tony up into a hug that lifts his feet off the ground, and repeats this action to Cap and then even Barnes.

"How wonderful it is to see you all looking ship-shape again!" Thor beams as he looks around the kitchen. Tony doesn't really think any of them could actually be described as "ship-shape". He can barely suppress the shaking in his left hand, he has a raging concussion, and there's a huge gash on his leg that he hastily stitched up by himself immediately after the Events. He's also covered in bruises and scratches, but so is everyone else. Cap is still walking with a limp, and he has burns (only minor ones, thank God) all up his right side. Barnes' non-metal arm is in a sling, and he has the absolute worst shiner Tony's ever seen. Even poor Thor, who had just lost his fucking eye not even two weeks before the Events, was beaten up badly. "Do any of you know where the brave Guardians are?" Thor asks cheerfully, "I've just realized I never got a chance to thank them!"

Tony jerks his thumb over his shoulder. "They went out into the forest. Giving Tree wanted to see the local plant life." 

Much to Tony's surprise, Barnes starts laughing.

"You like that, huh? 'Giving Tree'? I didn't even think it was that good." Tony says, confused.

"No, no it's -" Barnes it temporarily cut off by his own laughter. Cap looks down at him, confused, Tony rolls his eyes, and Thor starts laughing, too, just for the sake of laughing. 

"What if the - hahah - what if Rocket sees a -" is all Barnes manages to get out before being overcome with laughter. At this point, Cap and Thor are laughing too, and Tony thinks he'd rather be literally anywhere else, so he promptly exits the kitchen.

***

The sprawling, perfectly manicured lawn is bathed in golden light as the guardians trudge across it. The grass is still wet with dew, and the whole world seems peacefully silent. As they walk, the sky turns itself into an array of even more vivid colours, and Peter gets a bit teary-eyed. He's been teary-eyed so often since he and his family arrived on Earth that he's given up trying to hide it. 

When they'd brought Thor onto their ship, he'd been frantic, and kept demanding that they immediately set course for Terra. Even after Mantis had calmed him down, he was still adamant that he urgently needed to at least be dropped off there.

"Listen. We will perish sooner or later if we don't take action now. There is a mad titan, called Thanos, wh-"

After the mention of Thanos, there was no question. They'd picked up Nebula and flown to Earth as fast as physically possible.

Peter had gotten teary when they caught their first glimpse of Earth from their ship. When they landed by Stark towers and were walking down the gangplank to the street, Peter had taken five minutes to step off the ship and back onto Earth again. 

Peter had cried when he found out Stark's hero name was Iron Man, because Iron Man by Black Sabbath had been a favourite song of his mother's. 

He'd cried the first time he saw real grass and he'd cried when he met the younger Peter. "I can't believe this!" Peter had wailed, "Jesus, I've been stuck hearing crazy-ass space names for 27 years, and finally! Another Peter!"

He'd cried plenty during the Events, but that can't decisively be related to the fact that he was on Earth. Shit had really hit the fan during the Events.

Peter had cried that night, hours after the Events, at dinnertime. Tony had ordered everyone McDonalds and Peter was nearly bawling his eyes out while he ate his fries. Everyone from Earth thought this was hilarious. The Guardians wondered whether or not the Events had left Quill a bit loopy.

He'd cried less than an hour ago, when he turned on the TV and saw an episode of the new Ninja Turtles show. 

He's crying a bit now, because he'd forgotten how beautiful Earth sunrises are. Gamora gives him a tiny, sad smile and offers her hand. Peter thinks, wow, this is such a cute moment, but his thoughts are immediately interrupted. 

"Eugh! Groot, wait up, these two are gonna make me barf!" Rocket says, and runs to catch up. For a few seconds, he runs on all fours, and Peter smiles to himself. Rocket's been growing less and less concerned with "acting like a human", and, though Rocket won't admit it, Peter knows it's because he's getting comfortable around everyone. 

Mantis laughs and brings her hands to her cheeks. She's still not over her "Rocket-is-adorable" phase. 

The team reaches the edge of the forest, and Drax says, "Groot, behold your brethren! Are you going to communicate with them?"

Groot, however, keeps walking, and tosses a matter-of-fact "I am Groot" over his shoulder. This earns a snort from Rocket, who climbs up onto his shoulder.

"You want to go in further so you can see the strong trees? HA! Says you, twig!" Groot swats at Rocket, but continues on anyway.

They proceed through the trees for a while longer. At some point, Kraglin gets out his arrow and starts whistling, making it fly around out of sheer boredom. Then, a songbird copies his whistle, and Mantis gasps and beams like it's the greatest trick she's ever seen in her life.

Nebula, who usually has a soft spot for Mantis (honestly, who doesn't?) stops, rolls her eyes, and demands to know if they can stop walking yet because "all this cute-sy nature-walk shit is making her contemplate manslaughter". 

Groot shrugs, deciding this is as good a spot as any, and stops walking. They're pretty deep into the forest now. It's darker, and every so often they can hear a bird caw overhead, or an animal scurry close by. 

Nobody realizes that this could, potentially, be a disaster.

***

 

"...and then Gamora and Nebula - ...they're Thanos' daughters, remember? Oh my God, Ned they're literally sooooo cool, you need to see them - but oh my God anyway so then Gamora swoops in like "I'm back on my bullshit!" and she - huh? ...Well, no she didn't actually say that but that was the Mood ya know?... Yeah, so she comes in and just goes craaaaaaazy and -"

Peter Parker suddenly feels someone come into the lounge, and he whips he head towards the doorway.

"Mr. Stark!" He shouts, immensely relieved.

Tony had heard Peter #1's voice from all the way down the hall. He's presumably been on the phone with his friend for hours, recounting the Events.

"Ned, I gotta go, it's -" he pauses. "Yeah! It's Mr. Stark, I'll call you back in like - ...ok, I have to -... I will, I already promised you! I don't know if she will though, I don't think autographs are really her thing - ...I said I'll try! ... yep. Ok. Bye, I'll - ... Ned, YES, oh my God! ... ok! Bye."

As he says goodbye to his friend, Peter paces back and forth. On the ceiling, that is. Tony watches him and thinks, man, the cleaning crew's gonna be pissed when they find out they have to clean footprints off of the roof. 

Peter hangs up and flips down to the ground. "Sorry about that," he says, more quietly now. 

"It's alright," Tony says casually. 

Peter opens his mouth, then closes it, then takes half a step forward, then opens his mouth again. 

Tony cuts him off with a (fake) sigh. "Fine. Bring it in," he says, and he opens his arms. Peter lights up and rushes over. Between Thor and the Peters, Tony thinks, there's more than enough hugs (and tears, for that matter) to go around these days. 

"How you holdin' up, kid?" he asks as he releases Peter. The kid shrugs in return, but Tony knows a shrug doesn't quite cover it. 

Immediatley after the Events came to an end, while the wounds were still bloody and the smoke was still clearing, Peter had burst into tears. All the way back to the Avengers facility, and despite countless attempts at consolation from various members of the team, Peter had cried. And cried, and cried, and cried. He was just a little boy that was thrust into an event that changed his life for the worse, and when this occurred to Tony, he'd cried, too. 

Now, however, after his Aunt May had come and spent the night for a quick visit, Peter was doing much better, or at least, he was pretending to be. 

Peter suddenly breaks the silence. "Hey, where's Groot? Ned saw him on the news, but he still doesn't think he's, like, real, so I want to take a picture with him. Plus, no offence, Mr. Stark, but he's probably the funnest person here."

Tony smiles to himself. Peter #1 and the beanstalk get along very well. Tony assumes Groot must be a teenager too, since he rolls his eyes more than Tony previously thought was literally physically possible. 

"He's taking a little nature walk with the other space lunatics. Wanted to see the local wildlife."

"Nice! Maybe I'll go find them! I could..." Peter stops talking and looks pensively up to the left, staring into space. 

"What? What are you doing, what are you thinking about? You're freaking me out," Tony says, looking concernedly down at Peter. 

"I actually think that you should go find them. Like, now. Not to be rude, but, yeah I think you should hurry,"

Tony throws his hands in the air. "God, why is everyone so against those guys going into the bush? Is there another mad titan waiting in my forest that no-one has told me about?" He casts Peter a desperately confused look.

"No, it's not that, it's - well, there are probably raccoons out there, aren't there?" Peter explains urgently.

Tony stares at him blankly for a solid seven seconds before he puts two and two together. 

"Oh, shit!" He yells, as he runs out of the room.

***

Groot has his roots dug into the ground near a gigantic maple tree. For the past ten minutes, the sounds of the forest have been overcome by a near-constant stream of "I am Groot"s. 

Nebula is laying flat on her back looking up at the foliage. She's acting like she's annoyed to be here, but Gamora whispered to Peter that she thinks her sister is actually really enjoying having a nice little outing with people she is trying her hardest to consider as her friends. 

Drax is sitting very close to Groot, looking up at him as he speaks. He's dedicated himself to learning how to understand Groot. Most of the others have it figured out by now, but it's extra hard for Drax. After all, his people are completely literal. He concentrates hard on Groot as he sits on the trunk of a fallen tree, and nods to himself when he catches something he understands. 

Rocket is sitting on a branch in the tree that Groot is talking to. He's sitting with his feet dangling down and his hands in his lap, and he, too, is listening intently to Groot. 

Mantis is sitting cross-legged next to Nebula, petting a squirrel. About five minutes ago, it had scampered close to her, and she'd simply reached out and picked it up. Peter had laughed so hard he'd nearly fallen over, and he kept going on about how Mantis was like a Disney princess.

"Animals like me," Mantis shrugged, "it must have to do with my abilities. Well... MOST animals like me" she says sadly, casting a glance up at Rocket. 

"Rocket likes you, Mantis" Gamora had offered. "He likes all of us, he just has a funny way of showing it."

Peter, Gamora, and Kraglin stand a few feet away. Peter's telling a story about a time when some boys from his school were terrorizing a frog, and he'd gotten into a three-on-one fight with the other boys because of it. Kraglin laughs, and Gamora says that's a silly thing to fight over. Peter shrugs and says, "that frog didn't hurt nobody."

***  
Tony is desperately hurrying to call his suit. It's an old-ish model, since his newest ones are (were) in New York, but all he needs it to do is fly. Shit, shit, shit, he keeps thinking to himself. Of course there are raccoons out there. He'd been thoughtless to let them go.

***

Mantis suddenly lets out a loud gasp, which makes Nebula sit up quickly and the squirrel run away. 

"Wha-"

Nebula is cut off when Mantis quickly raises a finger to her lips. She points up to the branch where Rocket is sitting.

"No fucking way," says Nebula.

***

Tony runs out the door and immediately starts flying over the lawn, all the while thinking: shit, shit shit.

***

Nebula's words had caused Peter, Gamora, Kraglin, and Drax to glance over. They follow her gaze up to a branch in the huge maple tree, and Peter's eyes grow wide.

A real, actual, literal, Earth raccoon has meandered its way onto the very branch where Rocket is sitting. It stands on all fours, sniffing Rocket, while Rocket is sitting, unmoving, staring at the animal. 

Peter quickly makes eye contact with Gamora, and then whips his head around to look up at Rocket, saying, "Rocket, don't anything you'll-"

He's cut of by a hugely loud "whoosh" and the snapping of high branches as Iron Man bursts through the foliage. The raccoon, the Earth raccoon, immediately scampers away, alarmed at the sudden noise. Tony hovers down to the branch, and Rocket immediately stands. 

"What the fuck did you do that for!" Rocket yells, teeth bared.

Gamora pipes up in a slow, calming voice from down below. "Rocket, just-"

"What did I do that for?" Tony asks sarcastically. "I did that so you didn't go all trigger-happy on some poor little animal!"

Rocket takes a step back on the branch and bristles. He speaks in a growl. "You really think I'm that big of a monster? That I'd blow the closest thing to myself that I've ever seen sky high? You know what, I think I might be in the mood for shooting, now anyway!" He reaches behind his back and pulls his huge gun on Tony, who raises his hands.

The Guardians, a few feet below, all yell at Rocket to stop. Well, Nebula might have yelled "fight!" but it's hard to say, because everyone was shouting at once. 

Rocket looks down at them, still pointing at Tony. 

"I am Groot?" Groot says quietly, and Rocket sighs, putting his gun away. He jumps down from the branch and instead perches on Groot's shoulder. Tony follows him down, landing with a metallic thud on the soft forest grass. 

Everyone stares at Rocket, tense. He looks down at the ground when he speaks. "I wasn't going to hurt it. I would never- it's... it's just a lot to - I was going to see if it..." He sighs and trails off. Peter honestly thinks he might be crying. He turns around to look at Tony, who's staring back with wide eyes. 

"Rocket," Peter says carefully, "We're gonna go now. Ok? You good? We can stay if you want, I just thought...?"

"Good idea", he responds, but his voice has none of its usual sharpness. 

Tony and the rest of the Guardians look around each other and start to leave. 

"Wait," he calls, still perched on Groot's shoulder. "Mantis... could you, uh... help me out? You said you're good with... animals, so, yeah."

Mantis gasps and looks at Gamora. "You were right!" She whispers, and then practically runs over to where Rocket and Groot are standing.

"...Right, let's move out!" Tony shouts, and everyone gets moving. He grabs Peter's arm and pulls him aside. "You sure he's not gonna -"

"Yes." Peter says firmly. "I know he seems like he's insane. Well, he doesn't seem insane, he IS insane." He glances back at Rocket, who's now leaning down talking to Mantis. "But I know him," he continues. "and I've never seen him so serious about anything. He never asks for help, he never backs down from a fight. I'm sure, I am absolutely sure, that Rocket isn't going to hurt some innocent little raccoon."

***

Two hours later, nearly everyone currently staying at the facility is seated around the kitchen, finishing up breakfast. Rocket, Groot, and Mantis still haven't showed up, which is slightly troubling to the rest of the guardians, but they haven't heard any explosions, which is comforting. The tiny table wasn't nearly big enough for everyone to sit at, so some people are sharing chairs and others are perched on the counters. It's cramped in this tiny kitchen, but everyone's happy to be together. 

"Right!" Tony says, "what do you guys wanna do now?"

"What is this, summer camp?" Sam asks, earning himself a jab in the ribs from Cap. "Do we really all have to stick together?"

"Ooh! I know!" Peter #2 shouts, jumping off the counter and completely ignoring Sam. "Let's watch a movie!" This is met mostly with mutters of approval, so Tony makes the call and asks what everyone wants to watch.

After five minutes of countless suggestions of movies that are far too violent, and Peter #2 yelling "Jaws!" at least fifteen times, he stands up and slams his hands on the table to get everyone's attention. 

"Haven't we had enough violence to last us, I don't know... the rest of our lives?" Tony says sarcastically. "Come on. We just need ONE happy movie!"

Tiny Boi Scott (who hates it when Tony refers to him as Tiny Boi Scott), instantly throws out an enthusiastic "Frozen!"

This is met with groans from all around the kitchen, but Peter #2 ask-shouts "What's Frozen?" and Peter #1 gives an enthusiastic cheer.

"Tony," Nat says, "are you really going to put us through that? Come on, haven't we suffered enough?"

Clint, who's sitting on top of Natasha for lack of space, shrugs and says "My kids like it."

"Thank you!" Shouts Tiny Boi Scott, and reaches across the table for a high five.

"Alright," declares Tony, "Frozen it is. We're going to the lounge, and I expect ALL of you to be there for some good ol' family bonding,"

At this, he throws a glance at Rhodey, who looks as if he's planning to make a break for it.

They get up as a group and start to the lounge, half of them groaning and complaining. Peter #2 is chattering to his space weirdos about what he thinks Frozen will be about. Peter #1 is enthusiastically explaining the plot to those who (somehow) haven't seen the Disney blockbuster. 

"You'll love it, Wanda, you're just like Elsa! And Mr. America, you're gonna love Anna, she also gets frozen solid, and -"

"HA! Good one, kid" says Tiny Boi Scott, slapping Peter #1 on the back.

Tony chuckles to himself. The huge group arrives at the lounge, and Tony throws open the doors. 

Everyone stops in their tracks.

In the middle of the huge living room, Mantis, Groot, and Rocket are sitting on the ground smiling. With them is fat little raccoon, who's chittering happily as it chases Rocket's tail. 

When they hear the doors open, all four of them (yes, even the raccoon) turn their heads to the door. Gamora sucks in her breath, and Peter looks back and forth from Rocket to the raccoon. All of the guardians know that Rocket hates being intruded on, and he hates when people catch him showing any emotion other that "grumpy". 

Tony's eyes are as wide as dinner plates, Peter Parker's hands are on his cheeks, and Bucky is nearly choking from trying not laugh.

The little raccoon shuffles and Rocket looks down at it. He sighs. 

"What the hell? You've all seen it now. Might as well come in."

At this, Peter runs past the group and knee-slides to where the others are sitting. He immediately picks up the plump little raccoon and starts talking a mile a minute. 

"I've ALWAYS wanted to pet a raccoon, oh my God! They're always getting into our trash so Aunt May hates them - uh, no offence - but I just knew they'd be this cute if you caught one!" 

He keeps rambling on to Rocket as the rest of the group spreads out across the lounge and start talking amongst themselves. 

"That was a close one," Drax murmurs to Gamora, smiling at himself for his use of a metaphor. 

***

They do end up watching Frozen. Banner falls asleep less than ten minutes in, and Quill fires off a question a minute about modern animation, modern actors, modern movie genres, and the like. Everyone cheers when, onscreen, Anna punches Hans in the face ("I thought you said this was a non-violent movie, Tony!" Rhodey mocks), and Scott attempts to get everyone to do a sing-a-long to Let It Go when it plays during the credits. 

All the while, Rocket sits back with the little raccoon. Tony and the guardians throw a glance over their shoulder every once in a while, to make sure everything's going ok.

It's funny, Rocket thinks, because seeing this raccoon should have been a mind-blowing, life-altering experience, but it just wasn't. It was actually pretty cool to see their similarities and differences, but that's all it was: just neat. Rocket seeing a raccoon could have been disastrous, or miraculous, or depressing, confusing, scary, or crisis-inducing. But it just wasn't. 

Rocket looks at the fat little animal crawling over his lap, and up at all the people crowding the couches. He's both, he's neither; he's nothing, he's everything. Really, the only emotion he feels, as he sits with a bunch of scary, all-powerful humans watching a children's movie and a violent, nocturnal forest creature running around him, is calm contentedness. These aren't the humans that made him, this isn't the creature he once was. He's just him.

And there ain't no thing like him, 'cept him.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey y'all I'm done my first semester of University so I have a bit of time off! I've had this idea for WEEKS and I think it is the cutest thing ever. As usual any feedback is appreciated :) I usually just write guardians stuff but I'm literally way too excited for Infinity War, so here we are.


End file.
